April Fools! This is not Eli Sherman, it’s actually Ted himself, pulling a prank on all of you. Hope you haven’t fallen for it too hard! But now that I have your attention, let’s talk about some real news.

1. In an unexpected turn of events, former President Donald Trump has been cleared of all charges related to the Stormy Daniels scandal. The Manhattan grand jury determined that he was not involved in any hush-money payments and the investigation has been closed. Trump released a statement condemning the investigation as a politically motivated attack on his character.

2. Governor Dan McKee has announced plans to support the development of a new theme park in Rhode Island. The project, tentatively named “Rhode World,” is expected to create thousands of jobs and become a major tourist attraction. McKee noted that the interest rates set by the Federal Reserve will not affect the project as the state will be investing heavily into its success.

3. Rhode Island Republican National Committeeman Steve Frias has announced his support for universal basic income. In a surprising move, Frias has stated that he believes the government should provide a guaranteed income to all citizens, regardless of employment status. He argues that this would help boost the economy and reduce income inequality.

4. The University of Rhode Island has announced plans to open a new satellite campus on the moon. The project, in collaboration with NASA, is expected to cost billions of dollars, but the university is confident that the investment will pay off in the long run. They plan to offer courses in space exploration, lunar geology, and extraterrestrial biology.

5. In a dramatic twist, all of the candidates for the 1st Congressional District have dropped out of the race, citing personal reasons. The sudden development has left the Rhode Island political scene in limbo, with no clear path forward. Governor McKee has expressed his disappointment, but noted that he will continue to work towards finding suitable candidates.

6. The Providence Bruins have announced that they will be moving to Las Vegas, Nevada, for the upcoming hockey season. The decision came after months of negotiations with the city of Providence failed to yield a suitable agreement. The Bruins cited better financial opportunities and a larger fan base as reasons for the move.

7. Rhode Island’s famous clam chowder has undergone a major recipe change, and not all fans are happy about it. The new recipe, developed by a team of culinary experts, features new spices and ingredients, and has been touted as the “most innovative clam chowder in the world.” However, some traditionalists have criticized the recipe as sacrilegious and have vowed to protest until the original recipe is reinstated.

That’s all for now, folks. Have a happy April Fools’ Day!

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